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Hillary Clinton Won’t Escape Email Controversy
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Hillary Clinton Won’t Escape Email Controversy

Elderly grandmother Hillary Clinton has managed to steal the scandal spotlight from her husband’s association with “Sex Slave Island” by using her own server for emails during her tenure as Secretary of State.  The “Arkansas Underwoods” are struggling to mount a defense for the indefensible, and it has Hillary looking vulnerable as a candidate ahead of 2016.  It also has her looking old and looking for ways around Freedom of Information requests.

Lets take a look at the defenses used by the incredibly wealthy socialite thus far in the controversy.

She did not email classified information

In this argument, Clinton claims that she never used her only work email to send classified information.  This argument works on the assumption that the Secretary of State either conducted all of her classified intelligence over the phone, attempted to remember all of it (REMINDER: Clinton served in her mid-60s and suffered a brain injury her husband claimed took several months to recover from), or that the highest ranking diplomat for the United States did not handle any confidential information for four solid years.

Hillary admits to deleting 30,000 emails

Clinton already admits to deleting half of the emails off of her private server, claiming that these were personal emails.  While it is likely SOME of the emails on Clinton’s server were personal.  I mean, we all get emails from family members, but 50% of your total inbox seems outlandish, and a leap of faith I’m not going to provide anyone, especially a Clinton.  The only reason half of all her emails would be personal is if, in her remarkably advanced age, she doesn’t know how to text.  Also, in a sign the Clinton machine may be slowing down, the same day as Hillary’s press conference at United Nations, Bill admitted to not sending a single email after his scandal-filled presidency.  Did Hillary send 30,000 emails to Chelsea? Her bridge group? (Bridge is a popular game among people Hillary’s age as it can be done for long periods of time from a seated position.)  We’ll never know unless Clinton surrenders the server to a third party arbiter as requested by RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

Hillary claims the server was safe because it was protected by Secret Service Guards

In a move that showed a novice understanding of electronics, Clinton claimed that the server was safe because of her Secret Service detail.  While the physical server was safe, questions remain that any information stored on the server was safe from a cyber attack.

Hillary didn’t want to carry around multiple cell phones

As someone who once carried two devices for work, it is a pain for someone not used to it.  However, just two weeks ago, likely in an effort to appear more relatable to regular people, Clinton admitted to being like a “hoarder” and carrying FOUR devices at once, “I’m like two steps short of a hoarder. So I have an iPad, a mini iPad, an iPhone and a Blackberry.”  If Clinton is four-device-at-once tech savvy as she says, surely putting two email accounts on one device, or having a work cell phone wouldn’t have been a big deal.  Or maybe carrying a fifth device at once was unseemly at the $100,000 per three week rental community in the Hamptons.

Unfortunately for Hillary Clinton, the UN press conference only further deteriorated her credibility on the issue.  She has never had the retail political charm her husband has, and she’s never needed it more.  The only way out for Clinton is to turn over the server and hope for the best.  Fortunately for the Democrats, they always have Joe Biden as a Plan B.

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